


Met You At A Walmart Aisle

by ShiningSung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, a majority of the oneshot is just felix trying to wake up jisung tbh, dirty jokes are made, jisung and felix live together for some reason, jisung x supreme is the best ship, minho gets a boner so there’s that I guess, minsung - Freeform, minsung meets at walmart aisle seven next to the sauces, the title literally means what it says, their poor adopted child is traumatized at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:09:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29804793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiningSung/pseuds/ShiningSung
Summary: — the title is literally what the oneshot is about. jisung meets minho in aisle seven, right next to the sauces in walmart and accidentally touches his crotch, making him pop a boner. jisung then proceeds to blow him (not shown) and oh boy, what a story that’ll be to tell to his fourteen year old daughter.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Met You At A Walmart Aisle

❐

**"Hey you 20 year old disappointment of a child, it's time to get your fat a** off that clearly uncomfortable mattress that's somehow still on top of those unstable attachable metal bars that looked like they were put together by someone who snorted Pepsi off a rusty metal pipe in a sewer."**

What's a better way to wake up in the morning than for your ' _best_ ' friend of about six years that somehow lives with you and is literally one day younger than you to bust into your room half naked? Everything. Literally everything is better than that.

**"I guess now we know who was the one who snorted Pepsi off that rusty metal pipe from a sewer now."** Felix said as Jisung proceeded to get up in the most inefficient way ever by standing up on the bed and proceeding to fall over. Felix was pretty sure that he was gonna get some brain damage from that. Nice.

The living embodiment of an eboy groaned as he slowly stood up like some anime protagonist that had just been struck with a fatal blow and was basically on the brink of death but had to keep his stance coolly because that's how it works apparently.

His friend who looked like he had minecraft wheat(s) as a substitute for his usual dirty blonde hair just facepalmed at his stupidity, shaking his head disappointedly like a disappointed mother.

**"Don't act like you didn't fall off your bed as well trying to get up on the morning of the second day of moving into my house."** The seemingly angry supreme ambassador reviled, earning a sight of white from the back of Felix's eyes as the other idiot rolled his eyes so far back into his head that he caught sight of his own brain before his vision returned back to the world again.

**"You've literally been wearing that supreme shirt and sleeping with that supreme headband for god (lee) knows how long now, I'd be surprised if you weren't an ambassador for them or sponsored by them at this point."** Idiot number two pointed out, completely ignoring the fact that Jisung was literally internally screaming in pain right now due to the pain he felt in his leg bones.

**"Yeah, your legs are f*ckedddd duddd."** The obvious main character looked up at the side character and gave him a taste of his own medicine by rolling his eyes. The freckled chick just shook his head, reaching a hand out to help his other half who was struggling to even move an inch off the pirate ship looking wooden floor.

**"Get in the car, we're going shopping."** His meme-obsessed friend said, earning a look of pure disappointment from the male who was still standing there like a poorly drawn stick man provided with poor posture. Jisung eventually started actually walking out of his room for once which elicited a loud applause from Felix who genuinely thought Jisung was just going to return back to sleeping his days away as he always does.

**"Wow congrats! You've finally found meaning in life again and has decided to actually took upon it for yourself to explore the outside world at last! What a momentous moment indeed!"** The glowing male said as Jisung stumbled into the bathroom lazily. Jisung honestly didn't feel like getting up and out of his bed but didn't want his a** getting beaten by Chan again like yesterday and so he went.

**"Do you even know where we're going?"** Jisung said, knocking off half the things in the bathroom while trying to find his toothbrush and toothpaste with like forty percent vision available, the other sixty percent being blocked out by blurry lines. (no pun intended)

**"No idea at all!"** Felix replied cheerily, watching his other half struggle with even brushing his teeth. He had already brushed his teeth in the morning and since Jisung was always sleeping, his sleep schedule would mess up quite frequently which is why it is currently noon.

**"No problem bro, I gotchu covered!"** Jisung side-eyed Felix as the other reached his arm over his back to pick up a white can of some sort. **"Got it all covered for ya!"** Felix said, opening the cap of the bottle and sprayed some strange white foamy puff pastry looking cloud onto his hand. Jisung's eyes widened as about seventy percent of his vision was now available and the can Felix had picked up was labeled as ' _shaving cream_.'

**"Open up!"** Felix said like a mother feeding his child a spoon of baby food. Jisung's eyes widened further as Felix dragged his hand that held his toothbrush away and straight up shoved his entire fist covered in shaving cream into his mouth.

❐

**"I... am never letting you come into the bathroom when I'm trying to brush my teeth ever again."** Jisung said, pausing his sentence at the start for a bit to establish clear dominance as the alpha. **"And I thought I lurked on Tiktok for too long."** Jisung pulled a Chan and gave Felix the most unamused look ever.

**"Fine, I'll start giving you my croissants and bowing down to you every morning since you established your dumb dominance."** He said, rolling his eyes for the second time that day, earning a smirk from Jisung who gave him that oddly specific look that said ' _that's what I like to hear_ ' as if he was some mafia boss but really was just an unemployed, depressed twenty year old.

**"Yo..."** Felix stopped dead in his tracks, causing idiot number one to bump into his back and groan. Jisung glared at him, as if he was thinking that Felix could actually see it since he was literally glaring into his shoulder but eventually looked where Felix was looking at and gasped like one of those gasps you'd hear in a corny show.

**"You thinking what I'm thinking?"** He asked, grabbing Jisung's tits, completely coating his previous attempt at establishing dominance in his own. **"Felix, I literally have no idea what you're ever thinking of. I have to worry everyday for you since your brain capacity can only handle so much, your brain literally might explode anytime soon now."** Jisung said, unable to process a single piece of data that ever spews out of Felix's mouth.

**"It's a Walmart dud... we could steal some gum off their shelves because stealing from smaller businesses are bad."** Felix whispered into the sleep-deprived male's ear. Jisung looked at him and then back at the giant store with huge letters that spelt out the store name and then shrugged. **"Eh, why not? It's not like we got anything to live for if we go to jail anyway."** And so Jisung agreed, shocking Felix for the second time today due to his unusual agreement with his stupid suggestions.

**"LET'S GOOO, POGGERS!"** Felix shouted, running into the store with his arms swinging above his head before abruptly forcing them back down to his sides and proceeding to act normal again as he saw a cashier look at him concerningly. Jisung just followed behind him like the disappointed parent he was. They ended up splitting up after Felix rushed to some random aisle number that Jisung didn't even bother to memorize and headed over to a random aisle.

He rubbed his eyes, he was sleepy and he was currently regretting his life decisions for coming along to this boring trip that wasn't even worth his time. He yawned, leaning on something which he assumed to be one of those pillars they randomly place in stores to keep the structure stable. Well, he thought it was a pillar until he grabbed something that was attached to the so-called ' _pillar._ '

**"I don't remember a pillar having something attached to it..."** Jisung thought. It was only a few seconds after he heard the ' _pillar_ ' talk that his face contorted into a mixed expression of shock, disgust, and instant regret. He immediately backed away from the now, clearly seen humanoid that stood there awkwardly with a boner.

**"I am... very sorry to be the cause of... this, and I apologize for being extremely hot to the point where you'd find me attractive enough to pop a boner even though I am some depressed unemployed 20 year old who you literally don't know and in all places possible had met me in Walmart."** Jisung quickly spewed our words, oblivious to the fact that he had literally created a run-on sentence in a real life conversation which wasn't really possible so he stuck to complaining about the author who is currently writing this, who is sleep-deprived and making him seem like an idiot.

**"That fourth wall sure had been breaking a lot lately huh?"** The stranger (to Jisung) said, earning a nod from Jisung who was clearly the one who broke it. **"Either way, this is uh... extremely awkward and I just want to apologize for making this happen."** He apologized.

Yet another momentous occasion in history to be documented by Lee Felix himself. Students are sure to be having a fun time reading from their social studies textbooks about how Han Jisung, the introvert, apologized to a stranger he met at aisle seven in a Walmart. In the sauce category.

**"Apology accepted, although.. wHo's gOnNa sOlVe thIs iSsUe?"** The stranger asked, as if he was asking for Jisung to tell him that he could literally just jack off. Jisung was about to until he started focusing on the stranger's facial features. He was definitely beautiful, no doubt about that and he started thinking a lot more.

**"You kinda look like a anime character in real life, you most likely have a six pack, and you're definitely a Lee Minho."** Jisung said out loud, earning a confused expression from the still hard male. **"I mean... you're not wrong, my name is Lee Minho."** The humanoid, now identified as Lee Minho confirmed. Jisung nodded, eyeing Minho up and down suspiciously.

**"Well.. you don't look too bad sooo..."**

❐

**"That's how you met dad?!"** The fourteen year-old dropped her spoon, her jaw dropped just as low as her spoon did.

**"Yup, blew him right there in aisle seven in Walmart. Right next to the sauces. Good times. But unfortunately, I still look like I work at supreme or some shoe store so nothing has really changed. We just adopted you because Minho said you looked like a cat and he misses his cats dearly but that's about it."** Jisung said, shrugging it off as if his story of meeting Minho was anywhere near normal and adopting a fourteen year-old all because his husband said she looked like a cat and he missed his cats as if it was just as normal.

**"Well, at least that explains why he keeps trying to swing some crap attached to a stick above me when I'm sitting on the living room couch trying to complete and submit my school assignments even though my mental health is at an all-time low right now and yet I still attend school online because I'd feel bad if I didn't even though my mental health is clearly more important than school but it's not like the people who made up the school system cares about the actual students or whatever."** Minsung's adopted child said, shrugging it off as well.

**"That's great daughter, I'm gonna go blow your dad in the bathroom now."** Jisung said, heading out while leaving his traumatized daughter behind to munch on some bread crusts he cut out for her.

**"It's times like these where I think to myself that I should've stayed at the orphanage..."** The unnamed daughter said, continuing to munch on the bread crusts.

The scene closes with white rectangles being dragged in from the top and bottom as the daughter's identity will never be known to the readers, and the alternative universe fades to black.

❐

**Author's Note:**

> i’ve by now lost the plot.


End file.
